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Home Trustees Articles & Information Dissociation Trauma Attachment Self Harm Sexual & Ritual Abuse Working Approaches Spiritual Dimension of Recovery Books Book Reviews Book List (by Author) PDF Book List (by Title) PDF Book List (by Publisher) PDF Book List (by Year) PDF Links Organisations To Approach Survivor-Led Groups Further Information Training Membership Contact	Sexual & Ritual Abuse From Terror to Truth Every Child Matters Why Children Can't Tell About Abuse Beyond Beliefs From Terror to Truth Excerpts from a research study by Jean Wadge M.Sc. into the experiences of therapists who work with victims and survivors of Satanist Ritual Abuse. I am a person centred/integrative counsellor working in primary care as part of a team of general practitioners and healthcare professionals. I have been working for 6 years with a survivor of Satanist Ritual Abuse. The biggest obstacle in the way of her recovery is her trauma attachment to the Satanist cult with whom she grew up. The cult still contact her in an effort to force her to return to their activities. Because of the contentious nature of this subject I was aware that I needed to interview participants who were well respected in their profession, as well as those who like myself had only met one survivor in the course of their daily work. My participants were as follows: Joan Coleman, Norma Howes, Sandy Gaskins, Valerie Sinason. Imagine for a moment that you are a child born into a generational Satanist family... SRA happened to you not just any child. Your parents chose to do it to you. If you had been a victim of wartime atrocities, the same thing would have happened, perhaps to all of your village, or your political group, but isolated in your misery as an SRA victim you have probably never known what it is like to live in a “normal” family situation, and you are not allowed to talk to the other children in your “cult family” either. Your immediate family are connected to the extended family of the 12 members of your cult, whom you are taught to obey, and to protect their guilty secrets. You are constantly told that you are bad, but because you are still egocentric, it is not possible for you to conceive of a reason outside yourself why these terrible things are happening to you. You think it must be your fault, and when you dare to question, or give vent to some of the anger and frustration you are feeling you are told that you are “attention seeking” and punished for it. You believe that if only you could redeem yourself in the eyes of your parents, you could make this nightmare stop, but only end up blaming yourself. You are made to persecute other children, and animals, during ceremonies, and deep down, know that this is not right, but you are terrified, and have no choice. You begin to harm yourself, as your self-loathing grows. As you grow up, you know that others do not live as you do, and try to resist and “get out” of the cult and its activities. This in itself is a terrifying decision, because whilst you are part of it you are cognitively not fully aware of the extent to which you were abused. When you walk away, you leave behind your history, and your family who can verify your history. You leave behind your hopes of love. You have made promises to this “family” under duress, and you have conflicting feelings about a mother who sometimes said she loved you, but held you in terror. The act of walking away from the cult and its rituals causes you to have flashbacks as the dissociated material you have stored in your brain seeps into your awareness. You begin to think that whilst you were still “in” you were in less pain. You become painfully aware of what you have been involved in, and your hopes of safety are marred by the feelings of guilt. The feelings of self-blame are unbearable, leading you to mental breakdown, and thoughts of suicide. You feel again the body memories of the torture you received, wondering why you have strange pains and emotions that reflect the ceremonial horrors you endured. Your doctor concludes that your pain is “psychosomatic” If you dare to tell anyone in authority, you risk their disbelief. Because you feel so guilty about your involvement with the cult activities, you seek to make amends to the world at large. This leads you once again into the role of victim, as those in search of power steal yours! You have a need to be accepted and to be popular, and get used by selfish and demanding people who see you as “a soft touch” You are still terrified of authority figures, so that when you are taken into hospital, having cut your wrists because you desperately need someone to have tangible evidence of your pain, the casualty officer repeats your earlier trauma by saying “silly girl, you are just attention seeking”! You have been brought up to hate everything that Christianity stands for, and so in an effort to “turn things round” you join the Church. Some people there misunderstand you, and may even reinforce the myth that you were told as a child that you are “possessed by the Devil” You pluck up courage and go to the Police, but they tell you that you are “not very well” and send you back to the doctor. From the Therapist’s point of view: As therapists new to the prospect of counselling a survivor/victim of SRA we must be prepared to be taken out of our personal comfort-zone, and go frighteningly beyond our familiar world. We must stick with our clients in a journey which takes us into an “underground world”. We will almost certainly be tempted to reframe the client’s narrative to fit our frame of reference, but in doing this we will risk denying the client’s truth. We can expect to feel deskilled, unable to understand the client’s narrative, and unwilling to believe it’s content. When we try to discuss and explore this strange new phenomenon, we become undermined by the kneejerk reactions of our governing institutions, and organisations. We somehow feel a shadow of what our clients feel Our colleagues fail to support us, in their need “not to know” about such terrible happenings. Our social world becomes more isolated because we cannot discuss what is happening to us for fear of the stigmatising effect discrediting reports of our work may have. The media, will make their own interpretations of our narrative. We feel traumatised in turn by our clients’ revelations of their terror. We review our lives and make changes, such as seeking a new supervisor, who is more in tune we the new us, or reviewing our career choice. Our existing universe has been demolished, and we feel uncertain about everything. So what does work? An open-minded attitude on the behalf of the therapist to whatever the client brings, including the possibility of dissociated process. Staying with the client despite our own feelings at the horrific disclosures. Logic not magic Give opportunity to demystify the trickery of the cult and explore the logical explanations for what is believed to be magic, or the work of supernatural forces. Whose responsibility is therapy? Good therapeutic practice tells us that we should encourage autonomy, even with a “dissociated community of selves”. If we take responsibility for the client, we are hindering her process. Promises were made under duress: Try to find out what was promised and give opportunity and permission to look at these objectively, and reverse the rules, all of which seem to be for the benefit of the cult, not the benefit of the client. Encourage information sharing between dissociated parts, and if possible look for an “internal supervisor” of the system, who works for the good of the whole. Encourage the client to put some distance between themselves and the perpetrator family but be aware of the attachment behaviours, which will make it difficult for them to detach. Hindrances? Reframing is very tempting, when it brings the content of the narrative in line with our view of the world, but could deny the client’s truth. Denial of the Client’s dissociative process hinders therapy, as the client dare not bring forward their dissociated “parts” for individual attention. Our Clients have almost certainly been forced to be perpetrators. It is tempting to deny this to ourselves, and render the subject impossible for the Client to come to terms with. Retraumatisation happens when we allow flooding of traumatic memories to occur without grounding the client in the present. If we concentrate on what effect the trauma had on the client, and how they coped with it, rather than the intricate traumatising detail of what happened to them, we avoid too much abreaction. Ignoring the fact that attachment needs and behaviour play a large part in the whole scenario of SRA. It is helpful if we have a good working knowledge of the theory of attachment. If we ignore this fact we are in danger of missing a vital piece of the jigsaw puzzle. Remember, each client is an individual, there is no recipe! [back to top...] Every Child Matters Described as the biggest proposed reorganisation of children's services in England for thirty years, the government consultation paper ‘Every Child Matters’, was launched recently as a response to the Laming Inquiry into the murder of Victoria Climbie. The paper, "Every Child Matters", set the aim of ensuring "that every child has the chance to fulfil their potential by reducing levels of educational failure, ill health, substance misuse, teenage pregnancy, abuse and neglect, crime and antisocial behaviour among children and young people". In the paper's introduction, Tony Blair said the names of abused children whose deaths triggered previous Inquiries, "echoing down the years are a standing shame to us all". Proposals to ensure accountability include: creation of a post of director of children's services, accountable for local authority education and children's social services moving towards integration of key services for young people under the director of children's services as part of children's trusts, bringing together children's social services, local authority education and Connexions. creating an independent children's commissioner creating an integrated inspection framework for children's services and Ofsted taking the lead in bringing together joint inspection teams creating Local Safeguarding Children's Boards as successors to Area Child Protection Committees Social services, health and schools will support parents and carers by providing information and advice where necessary. Targeted and specialist support will be provided to those requiring additional help. Compulsory actions through parenting orders being used as a last resort. To prevent children slipping through the net, as happened to Victoria, the government plans to: improve information sharing by removing legislative barriers that can hinder communication between agencies allocate each child a single unique identity number develop a common assessment framework so every local authority will identify a lead official responsible for ensuring information is shared introduce a single named professional in each case where children are known to more than one agency, develop on-the-spot services encouraging professionals to work in multi-agency teams based around schools and children's centres The government aims to make working with children an attractive, high status career. A children's workforce unit, based in the Department for Education and Skills will develop a pay and workforce strategy, and a common core of training for those working with children and families, will be introduced, to help secure a consistent response to children and families and a better understanding of professional roles. The consultation ends on 1 December, but Margaret Hodge, the minister for children, young people and families, told a press briefing at the DfES that she hoped there would be legislation in the coming session of parliament. 'Every Child Matters' from www.dfes.gov.uk/everychildmatters Richard Cole [back to top...] Why Children Can't Tel About Abuse Threats from abuser - withdrawal of ‘favours’ or physical threats - may be implicit derived from abuse of power Threats from peers also involved in abuse May think he/she is to blame and fear arrest Fears the loss of the child’s world - family, school etc. May be emotionally dependent on abuser May have compartmentalised abuse Thinks he/she won’t be believed Low sense of self-esteem makes disclosure difficult May not realise sexual abuser is a crime - thinks its normal May not wish to betray abuser May fear exposure and particularly public exposure May be ambivalent about sexual identity or feel guilt about taking part in abuse Lack of faith in justice system particularly for children with disabilities and from ethnic minorities Hasn’t got adult permission to tell Lack of appropriate language skills Elizabeth Penlington [back to top...] Beyond Beliefs Lawyer Lee Moore, who was raised in a Satanic Cult, invites professionals to consider a different perspective In my experience, there is a metaphysical aspect to satanic ritual abuse, which needs to be considered and addressed if the healing of those who have been exposed and harmed by cult activities is to be effective and complete. Unless professionals are open-minded and willing to acquire further knowledge of occult activity, then treatment and support could be deficient and the risks to personal safety and well being not fully understood and responded to appropriately by practitioner and client. I am tackling this controversial issue head on because some police officers, lawyers and therapists who are experiencing phenomena, which bewilder them, are coming to me for advice. Furthermore, I am convinced that the reasons I am integrated and so well today are because I followed less orthodox forms of healing. Also, I addressed the metaphysical aspects of the abuse I experienced, which enabled me to deal effectively with retaliatory conduct by the cult. Satanic ritual abuse exists worldwide across the religions. The advantage of the less conventional path I chose to follow was that it transcends religions. Healing, goodness and love are without boundaries The meaning and purpose of these satanic rituals is occult. Ceremonies are usually held in defined areas at specific times, the purpose of which is to generate energy, isolate it and transform it into a dynamic force that can be directed by the will of the individual/group. The intent is to cause changes in situations/events, which would usually be believed to be unchangeable in accordance with the will of the individual/ group. It is about the love of power as opposed to the power of love. I was born into an inter-generational satanic cult where the ceremonial practice of human and animal sacrifice, terrifying blood rituals and torture was commonplace. The leader of the cult was the family doctor. Other participants included members of my family, acquaintances and strangers. To escape the unbearable, I dissociated and developed what is now recognised as Dissociative Identity Disorder. This was accompanied by deep depressions, suicide attempts and numerous addictions. Pills were prescribed for my symptoms, but the cause was never dealt with. I felt utterly miserable and frequently experienced “the horrors,” periods of obsessive negativity and terror. Despite qualifying as a barrister, my life, for decades, was utter chaos, the reasons for which I could never understand. The trauma was buried deep within my unconscious. At thirty-five I succumbed to a complete breakdown following the abduction and non-return of my child by the cult. This caused me to finally seek help. I consulted a psychiatrist who happened to be a spiritual healer. It was through her that I became aware of the metaphysical. In addition to giving me healing, she referred me to Twelve Step programmes for my addictions whereupon I consciously committed to a spiritual path. This enabled me to release all my addictions and helped me recognise and release some of my self-defeating behaviours. In the early days my healing process was monitored by the cult. The family GP, whose cult involvement still resided in my unconscious, visited me regularly at home and in hospital. In common with experiences subsequently reported by some survivors and professionals, I experienced what I now know to be spiritual and psychic attacks. A spiritual attack is when a cult/individual uses a ritual/ceremony to direct their spiritual energy to suppress, to deny, to control or manipulate another. It is usually done when the recipient is unaware and is a form of black magic. Such attacks cause individuals to feel confused at first. The attacks continue until the spirit of the individual is cowed and so frightened about making the wrong move that he/she becomes almost frozen with fear and that person is then easy to manipulate. A spiritual attack is about power and control. A psychic attack is usually about anger or fear and can result in the manifestation of phenomena, which engender fear and rage. Initially, my psychiatrist was able to deal with these situations by providing psychic protection. However, when my first memories emerged of satanic abuse, a member of the cult threatened my psychiatrist with legal action; she withdrew her support for me and I ceased therapy. I moved from the Twelve Step Programmes to pursue my own spiritual path and to study the metaphysical. Over a period of fourteen years, I worked with teachers whose spiritual growth was accompanied with the development of psychic abilities. They worked with the light of love. I acquired and developed the crucial skills, tools and knowledge so essential to healing and working in the field of satanic ritual abuse. I learned to protect myself and in so doing was able to protect my energy field. This allowed my alter personalities to integrate unhindered by the actions of those who wished me harm. Through the practice of meditation and prayer I was able to access a place of peace within myself and to strengthen my connection with that invisible force which unites us all and in turn, to feel safe. The power of prayer is never to be underestimated. My process of integration was further facilitated by attunements into Reiki healing energy to the level of Mastership. I experienced Reiki as a form of subtle dynamite, which enabled the unconscious to become conscious. The practise of Reiki also released me from the control of fear. At times, when I was triggered and could not access the memories consciously, I sought the assistance of a regression therapist who was able to facilitate bringing the most atrocious memories to consciousness and to release them. I am fully integrated now and experience such levels of love and peace that I cannot help but wish to share my joy. Those who abused me were my greatest spiritual teachers. They honed a warrior and in the process allowed me to experience the magnificence of that divine spark of Love, which, I believe, resides within us all. There is nothing that Love cannot forgive. It is indeed truly unconditional. Darkness cannot exist in light. I worked and continue to work with the light of love through which nothing negative can penetrate. It seemed, for a while, that I had lost everything; I had not. I could never lose the truth of what resides within me: Love, which is my True Power. [back to top...]
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Sexual & Ritual Abuse

Why Children Can't Tell About Abuse

From Terror to Truth

Excerpts from a research study by Jean Wadge M.Sc. into the experiences of therapists who work with victims and survivors of Satanist Ritual Abuse.

I am a person centred/integrative counsellor working in primary care as part of a team of general practitioners and healthcare professionals. I have been working for 6 years with a survivor of Satanist Ritual Abuse. The biggest obstacle in the way of her recovery is her trauma attachment to the Satanist cult with whom she grew up. The cult still contact her in an effort to force her to return to their activities.

Because of the contentious nature of this subject I was aware that I needed to interview participants who were well respected in their profession, as well as those who like myself had only met one survivor in the course of their daily work.

My participants were as follows:
Joan Coleman, Norma Howes, Sandy Gaskins, Valerie Sinason.

Imagine for a moment that you are a child born into a generational Satanist family...

SRA happened to you not just any child. Your parents chose to do it to you.
If you had been a victim of wartime atrocities, the same thing would have happened, perhaps to all of your village, or your political group, but isolated in your misery as an SRA victim you have probably never known what it is like to live in a “normal” family situation, and you are not allowed to talk to the other children in your “cult family” either.
Your immediate family are connected to the extended family of the 12 members of your cult, whom you are taught to obey, and to protect their guilty secrets.
You are constantly told that you are bad, but because you are still egocentric, it is not possible for you to conceive of a reason outside yourself why these terrible things are happening to you.
You think it must be your fault, and when you dare to question, or give vent to some of the anger and frustration you are feeling you are told that you are “attention seeking” and punished for it.
You believe that if only you could redeem yourself in the eyes of your parents, you could make this nightmare stop, but only end up blaming yourself.
You are made to persecute other children, and animals, during ceremonies, and deep down, know that this is not right, but you are terrified, and have no choice. You begin to harm yourself, as your self-loathing grows.
As you grow up, you know that others do not live as you do, and try to resist and “get out” of the cult and its activities. This in itself is a terrifying decision, because whilst you are part of it you are cognitively not fully aware of the extent to which you were abused.
When you walk away, you leave behind your history, and your family who can verify your history.
You leave behind your hopes of love. You have made promises to this “family” under duress, and you have conflicting feelings about a mother who sometimes said she loved you, but held you in terror.
The act of walking away from the cult and its rituals causes you to have flashbacks as the dissociated material you have stored in your brain seeps into your awareness. You begin to think that whilst you were still “in” you were in less pain.
You become painfully aware of what you have been involved in, and your hopes of safety are marred by the feelings of guilt. The feelings of self-blame are unbearable, leading you to mental breakdown, and thoughts of suicide.
You feel again the body memories of the torture you received, wondering why you have strange pains and emotions that reflect the ceremonial horrors you endured.
Your doctor concludes that your pain is “psychosomatic”
If you dare to tell anyone in authority, you risk their disbelief.
Because you feel so guilty about your involvement with the cult activities, you seek to make amends to the world at large.
This leads you once again into the role of victim, as those in search of power steal yours!
You have a need to be accepted and to be popular, and get used by selfish and demanding people who see you as “a soft touch”
You are still terrified of authority figures, so that when you are taken into hospital, having cut your wrists because you desperately need someone to have tangible evidence of your pain, the casualty officer repeats your earlier trauma by saying “silly girl, you are just attention seeking”!
You have been brought up to hate everything that Christianity stands for, and so in an effort to “turn things round” you join the Church. Some people there misunderstand you, and may even reinforce the myth that you were told as a child that you are “possessed by the Devil”
You pluck up courage and go to the Police, but they tell you that you are “not very well” and send you back to the doctor.

From the Therapist’s point of view:

As therapists new to the prospect of counselling a survivor/victim of SRA we must be prepared to be taken out of our personal comfort-zone, and go frighteningly beyond our familiar world. We must stick with our clients in a journey which takes us into an “underground world”. We will almost certainly be tempted to reframe the client’s narrative to fit our frame of reference, but in doing this we will risk denying the client’s truth.
We can expect to feel deskilled, unable to understand the client’s narrative, and unwilling to believe it’s content.
When we try to discuss and explore this strange new phenomenon, we become undermined by the kneejerk reactions of our governing institutions, and organisations.
We somehow feel a shadow of what our clients feel
Our colleagues fail to support us, in their need “not to know” about such terrible happenings.
Our social world becomes more isolated because we cannot discuss what is happening to us for fear of the stigmatising effect discrediting reports of our work may have.
The media, will make their own interpretations of our narrative.
We feel traumatised in turn by our clients’ revelations of their terror.
We review our lives and make changes, such as seeking a new supervisor, who is more in tune we the new us, or reviewing our career choice.
Our existing universe has been demolished, and we feel uncertain about everything.

So what does work?

An open-minded attitude on the behalf of the therapist to whatever the client brings, including the possibility of dissociated process.
Staying with the client despite our own feelings at the horrific disclosures.
Logic not magic Give opportunity to demystify the trickery of the cult and explore the logical explanations for what is believed to be magic, or the work of supernatural forces.
Whose responsibility is therapy? Good therapeutic practice tells us that we should encourage autonomy, even with a “dissociated community of selves”. If we take responsibility for the client, we are hindering her process.
Promises were made under duress: Try to find out what was promised and give opportunity and permission to look at these objectively, and reverse the rules, all of which seem to be for the benefit of the cult, not the benefit of the client.
Encourage information sharing between dissociated parts, and if possible look for an “internal supervisor” of the system, who works for the good of the whole.
Encourage the client to put some distance between themselves and the perpetrator family but be aware of the attachment behaviours, which will make it difficult for them to detach.

Hindrances?

Reframing is very tempting, when it brings the content of the narrative in line with our view of the world, but could deny the client’s truth.
Denial of the Client’s dissociative process hinders therapy, as the client dare not bring forward their dissociated “parts” for individual attention.
Our Clients have almost certainly been forced to be perpetrators. It is tempting to deny this to ourselves, and render the subject impossible for the Client to come to terms with.
Retraumatisation happens when we allow flooding of traumatic memories to occur without grounding the client in the present. If we concentrate on what effect the trauma had on the client, and how they coped with it, rather than the intricate traumatising detail of what happened to them, we avoid too much abreaction.
Ignoring the fact that attachment needs and behaviour play a large part in the whole scenario of SRA. It is helpful if we have a good working knowledge of the theory of attachment. If we ignore this fact we are in danger of missing a vital piece of the jigsaw puzzle.
Remember, each client is an individual, there is no recipe!

[back to top...]

Every Child Matters

Described as the biggest proposed reorganisation of children's services in England for thirty years, the government consultation paper ‘Every Child Matters’, was launched recently as a response to the Laming Inquiry into the murder of Victoria Climbie.

The paper, "Every Child Matters", set the aim of ensuring "that every child has the chance to fulfil their potential by reducing levels of educational failure, ill health, substance misuse, teenage pregnancy, abuse and neglect, crime and antisocial behaviour among children and young people".

In the paper's introduction, Tony Blair said the names of abused children whose deaths triggered previous Inquiries, "echoing down the years are a standing shame to us all".

Proposals to ensure accountability include:

creation of a post of director of children's services, accountable for local authority education and children's social services
moving towards integration of key services for young people under the director of children's services as part of children's trusts, bringing together children's social services, local authority education and Connexions.
creating an independent children's commissioner
creating an integrated inspection framework for children's services and Ofsted taking the lead in bringing together joint inspection teams
creating Local Safeguarding Children's Boards as successors to Area Child Protection Committees
Social services, health and schools will support parents and carers by providing information and advice where necessary. Targeted and specialist support will be provided to those requiring additional help. Compulsory actions through parenting orders being used as a last resort.

To prevent children slipping through the net, as happened to Victoria, the government plans to:

improve information sharing by removing legislative barriers that can hinder communication between agencies
allocate each child a single unique identity number
develop a common assessment framework so every local authority will identify a lead official responsible for ensuring information is shared
introduce a single named professional in each case where children are known to more than one agency,
develop on-the-spot services encouraging professionals to work in multi-agency teams based around schools and children's centres

The government aims to make working with children an attractive, high status career.

A children's workforce unit, based in the Department for Education and Skills will develop a pay and workforce strategy, and a common core of training for those working with children and families, will be introduced, to help secure a consistent response to children and families and a better understanding of professional roles.

The consultation ends on 1 December, but Margaret Hodge, the minister for children, young people and families, told a press briefing at the DfES that she hoped there would be legislation in the coming session of parliament.

'Every Child Matters' from www.dfes.gov.uk/everychildmatters

Richard Cole

[back to top...]

Why Children Can't Tel About Abuse

Threats from abuser - withdrawal of ‘favours’ or physical threats - may be implicit derived from abuse of power
Threats from peers also involved in abuse
May think he/she is to blame and fear arrest
Fears the loss of the child’s world - family, school etc.
May be emotionally dependent on abuser
May have compartmentalised abuse
Thinks he/she won’t be believed
Low sense of self-esteem makes disclosure difficult
May not realise sexual abuser is a crime - thinks its normal
May not wish to betray abuser
May fear exposure and particularly public exposure
May be ambivalent about sexual identity or feel guilt about taking part in abuse
Lack of faith in justice system particularly for children with disabilities and from ethnic minorities
Hasn’t got adult permission to tell
Lack of appropriate language skills

Elizabeth Penlington

[back to top...]

Beyond Beliefs

Lawyer Lee Moore, who was raised in a Satanic Cult, invites professionals to consider a different perspective

In my experience, there is a metaphysical aspect to satanic ritual abuse, which needs to be considered and addressed if the healing of those who have been exposed and harmed by cult activities is to be effective and complete. Unless professionals are open-minded and willing to acquire further knowledge of occult activity, then treatment and support could be deficient and the risks to personal safety and well being not fully understood and responded to appropriately by practitioner and client.

I am tackling this controversial issue head on because some police officers, lawyers and therapists who are experiencing phenomena, which bewilder them, are coming to me for advice. Furthermore, I am convinced that the reasons I am integrated and so well today are because I followed less orthodox forms of healing. Also, I addressed the metaphysical aspects of the abuse I experienced, which enabled me to deal effectively with retaliatory conduct by the cult.

Satanic ritual abuse exists worldwide across the religions. The advantage of the less conventional path I chose to follow was that it transcends religions. Healing, goodness and love are without boundaries

The meaning and purpose of these satanic rituals is occult. Ceremonies are usually held in defined areas at specific times, the purpose of which is to generate energy, isolate it and transform it into a dynamic force that can be directed by the will of the individual/group. The intent is to cause changes in situations/events, which would usually be believed to be unchangeable in accordance with the will of the individual/ group. It is about the love of power as opposed to the power of love.

I was born into an inter-generational satanic cult where the ceremonial practice of human and animal sacrifice, terrifying blood rituals and torture was commonplace. The leader of the cult was the family doctor. Other participants included members of my family, acquaintances and strangers.

To escape the unbearable, I dissociated and developed what is now recognised as Dissociative Identity Disorder. This was accompanied by deep depressions, suicide attempts and numerous addictions. Pills were prescribed for my symptoms, but the cause was never dealt with. I felt utterly miserable and frequently experienced “the horrors,” periods of obsessive negativity and terror. Despite qualifying as a barrister, my life, for decades, was utter chaos, the reasons for which I could never understand. The trauma was buried deep within my unconscious.

At thirty-five I succumbed to a complete breakdown following the abduction and non-return of my child by the cult. This caused me to finally seek help. I consulted a psychiatrist who happened to be a spiritual healer. It was through her that I became aware of the metaphysical. In addition to giving me healing, she referred me to Twelve Step programmes for my addictions whereupon I consciously committed to a spiritual path. This enabled me to release all my addictions and helped me recognise and release some of my self-defeating behaviours.

In the early days my healing process was monitored by the cult. The family GP, whose cult involvement still resided in my unconscious, visited me regularly at home and in hospital. In common with experiences subsequently reported by some survivors and professionals, I experienced what I now know to be spiritual and psychic attacks.

A spiritual attack is when a cult/individual uses a ritual/ceremony to direct their spiritual energy to suppress, to deny, to control or manipulate another. It is usually done when the recipient is unaware and is a form of black magic. Such attacks cause individuals to feel confused at first. The attacks continue until the spirit of the individual is cowed and so frightened about making the wrong move that he/she becomes almost frozen with fear and that person is then easy to manipulate. A spiritual attack is about power and control. A psychic attack is usually about anger or fear and can result in the manifestation of phenomena, which engender fear and rage. Initially, my psychiatrist was able to deal with these situations by providing psychic protection. However, when my first memories emerged of satanic abuse, a member of the cult threatened my psychiatrist with legal action; she withdrew her support for me and I ceased therapy.

I moved from the Twelve Step Programmes to pursue my own spiritual path and to study the metaphysical. Over a period of fourteen years, I worked with teachers whose spiritual growth was accompanied with the development of psychic abilities. They worked with the light of love. I acquired and developed the crucial skills, tools and knowledge so essential to healing and working in the field of satanic ritual abuse. I learned to protect myself and in so doing was able to protect my energy field. This allowed my alter personalities to integrate unhindered by the actions of those who wished me harm. Through the practice of meditation and prayer I was able to access a place of peace within myself and to strengthen my connection with that invisible force which unites us all and in turn, to feel safe. The power of prayer is never to be underestimated.

My process of integration was further facilitated by attunements into Reiki healing energy to the level of Mastership. I experienced Reiki as a form of subtle dynamite, which enabled the unconscious to become conscious. The practise of Reiki also released me from the control of fear. At times, when I was triggered and could not access the memories consciously, I sought the assistance of a regression therapist who was able to facilitate bringing the most atrocious memories to consciousness and to release them.

I am fully integrated now and experience such levels of love and peace that I cannot help but wish to share my joy. Those who abused me were my greatest spiritual teachers. They honed a warrior and in the process allowed me to experience the magnificence of that divine spark of Love, which, I believe, resides within us all. There is nothing that Love cannot forgive. It is indeed truly unconditional.

Darkness cannot exist in light. I worked and continue to work with the light of love through which nothing negative can penetrate. It seemed, for a while, that I had lost everything; I had not. I could never lose the truth of what resides within me: Love, which is my True Power.

[back to top...]